Miami Dolphin’s physicians and team doctors have diagnosed second year Quarterback Josh Rosen with a severe case of “Pokemon Go” addiction. With it being a rare form of dependence, they're uncertain if it is actually treatable. “Josh has as severe a case as you can get. I’d say he has a 50/50 chance at an overall recovery,” said Doctor Hugh Humphreys.
With things looking a bit gloomy, teammates seem to be losing hope that Rosen will be able to get himself over the bizarre obsessive sickness.
“At first it was cute. Then it was strange. Now I’m just concerned about his well being in general,” said a recently traded Minkah Fitzpatrick. “We heard him yelling in the janitor’s closet for hours trying to catch a Vaporeon after the Patriots loss. I’d understand if this was two years ago, but it's 2019. Pokémon Go isn’t even cool anymore. Josh needs serious help.”
When asked about the situation, backup Quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick got visibly emotional. “I just feel for him. I’m an original 150 Pokemon type of guy myself, but I’ve never seen anything like this. In his free time he’s been seen in random areas all over Miami looking for rare Pokemon. It must be so easy. I mean, no one even plays Pokemon Go anymore,” Fitzpatrick said with a quiver.
“Josh even has an outfit he’s been sporting while he plays. From what I can tell, he’s ordered himself some sort of Ash Ketchum gettup from a cheapo Japanese website. The most alarming part though is it looks like a ‘Youth Medium’.
Although it’s been such a problem to start the season, coaches have been impressed with Rosen’s pokeball throwing form. They’re clearly desperate for anything relatively similar to throwing a football, which led to Head Coach Brian Flores naming him starting Quarterback against the Cowboys on Sunday. The Dolphins are hopeful that Rosen’s Pokemon skills will transfer to the football field. They’re a 40 point underdog in the Vegas Sportsbooks this weekend.
