A Buffalo Bills fan and member of the aptly-named “Bills Mafia” has plans to host a table-slamming contest, sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon, before the Titans and Bills square off in Nashville next week. This plan comes just a year after Erie County Sheriff's deputies in Buffalo outlawed the infamous table-slamming ritual that Bills fans have come to know and love, and explains why a member of the “Mafia” took advantage of the unique opportunity to bring the fun to Tennessee.
Tailgating exploits in recent years have seen Bills fans climbing cars, campers and pile-driving into folding-card tables. Videos of the slams have become regular viral sensations on social media. “Due to our unusually large WWE fan base here in Tennessee, we expect the table-slamming act to return with full force, since the Bills are in town this weekend,” said a Davidson County Sheriff’s deputy. “We need our officers to remain vigilant around the stadium in an attempt to prevent as many of these devastating ‘self injuries’ as possible.”
“I’ve been saving six-packs of the original-formula Four Lokos for something like this. It isn’t something that happens every day, and winter is coming...” said long-time Buffalo Bills fan Trevor Peabody.
Buffalonians are famously known for hibernating during harsh winters and poor Bills seasons. But after a 3-1 start this year, it seems the groundhog didn’t see its shadow.
“Points will be awarded to individuals or teams who go above and beyond in creativity,” said the contest’s organizer, who wished to remain anonymous.
“In past years, we’ve done similar contests in my backyard with some pretty gnarly stunts involved. I’ve seen guys bust through flaming tables, tables infused with fireworks, titanium alloy tables, aluminum foil tables, and even scorpion-infested tables.” Statistical information about injuries was unable to be provided.
The organizer hopes to make this an annual contest during away games, and feels he has the general public on his side.
“We want people to feel a sense of community at these events. We’re in divisive times right now and believe this could help bring everybody closer together. Who doesn’t like to watch a handful of brave folks dance with the devil before kickoff? This is America!!”
Winners of the Table Slamming Contest will receive two free Dachshund puppies, a Blockbuster gift card, and a year’s worth of Golden Corral buffet visits. If you’d like to get involved or are interested in entering the tournament, please email *lightningarbuckle@gmail.com.
*What The Fuss is not responsible or liable for any injuries sustained while performing table slamming or any other dangerous acts. If you are a witness to any such act, please notify local authorities immediately. Or don’t. We made all of this up.
